Musings
by BlaseBlanco
Summary: Jansen gets lost in thought. YAOI
1. Chapter 1

My (Very Few but Greatly Loved) Readers: Hey, didn't you say you were gonna post a new Jucell fic next?  
Me: Of course I did, but I said that before I posted my Schuengar too. I'm obviously not to be trusted. Sorry!

Author's Note: Since, I can't seem to stick to what I say, here's a fic from a completely different fandom. This little fic is based on the cutscene in the Mountain Hut when Jansen just kinda stares at Kaim while he sleeps. I can't help but think that he had ulterior motives. I hope you guys enjoy my foray into a foreign fandom.

Disclaimer: Lost Odyssey and the characters therein belong to the geniuses at Mistwalker.

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Musings

Kaim was beautiful when he slept. His usually stoic features smoothed out into something soft and alluring. When he slept, it was hard to believe that Kaim was an Immortal, fighting his memories and everyone who wanted to help him deal with them.

Of course, these were all just musings. Jansen wasn't dumb enough to actually _say_ any of this aloud. He liked living, after all. But sometimes, when it was quiet and Seth wasn't bullying him and Kaim wasn't distancing himself from everyone, little things about the fair-skinned Immortal were hard to ignore.

Like the peaceful curve of his mouth, and how perfectly full and pink his lips were. How his hair fell messily into his handsome face making him seem infinitely younger.

There was no doubt in Jansen Friedh's mind that Kaim Argonar was absolutely _gorgeous_, and he hated himself for noticing. After all, if Kaim hated him one-tenth as much as Seth seemed to, nothing good was going to come of his embarassing attraction anyway.

Jansen rolled onto his back and let a sigh slip from his mouth. It was a bit more forlorn than he would have liked. After all, he was Jansen Friedh, for God's sake! He didn't let little things like unrequited feelings affect him. Especially not feelings for someone like Kaim.

Deciding to forget about his stupid affections long enough to get some shut-eye in preparation for another spirit-crushing day, Jansen relaxed back into the bed, welcoming the quiet that surrounded him.

"Why were you watching me?"

It took everything Jansen had to not jerk towards the source of that quiet voice. He could have _sworn_ that Kaim had been sleeping during his, admittedly lengthy, introspection. "I uh...you were just in my line of sight. That's all, yeah."

Sheets rustled as Kaim shifted in his bed, presumably to try to get a good look at Jansen despite the darkness. "Why do I find that so hard to beli-"

"Because I'm lying, now go back to sleep before we wake Seth!"

It was silent for a moment and Jansen thought that, against all odds, Kaim had actually listened to him and dropped the subject. He was rarely right.

"You're not very subtle, you know. And you don't hide your feelings very well."

Jansen sighed, exasperated, and played along if only to make the torture end. "What are you talking about?"

"You like me. Or at least, you're attracted to me."

It took Janses a bit longer than he liked to formualte a response. "Yeah, well, you're wrong!" He was _such_ an idiot.

"I'm not so sure. You should consider watching where your eyes linger. They could get you in trouble."

"_What_?" Jansen turned to confusedly stare at Kaim, only to find the Immortal kneeling quietly at his bedside. Moonlight flitered through the dusty windows, illuminating a small smile and pale azure eyes. Jansen fought the familiar warmth creeping into his cheeks.

"Am I making you blush?"

"No!" He cleared his throat quietly, surprised by the vehemence of his reaction. "I mean, no. No, you're not."

Ink black locks fell into Kaim's eyes as he tilted his head. "Are you sure?" Jansen's blush only grew more intense at the featherlight touch of Kaim's fingers on his obviously heated cheeks. "It _feels_ like you're blushing."

"It's just..." Jansen scrambled to explain away the color staining his cheeks. "It's body heat!" Finally, score one fore Jansen.

"Oh. It's good to know that I...raise your body heat."

"Kaim, you've got it wr-"

Jansen never got a chance to tell Kaim exactly how _wrong_ he was.

The only thought that was able to make itself known in Jansesn's mind as Kaim melded their mouths together, was that the Immortal's lips were far softer than they looked.

Their lips had just barely met before Kaim was pulling away, a tiny uncharacteristic grin tugging at his mouth.

Silent seconds passed before a smile graced Kaim's handsome features. "Good night, Jansen." Another all too brief kiss and Kaim was lying in bed again, that confusing smile still playing on his lips.

The silence had gone on too long. "Why are you staring at me?"

Kaim's smile grew fractionally. "Are you coming over here, or not?"

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End Note: I hope you enjoyed reading this spur of the moment fic. Hopefully, I didn't mess up Jansen or Kaim to badly.

Anyway, there's a second part to this that's gonna change the rating to a definite M. (It wouldn't be my writing unless there was sexing involved.) Look out for it.

**Reviews are appreciated and reviewers ADORED.**


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: I'm soooo sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. First, I had problems figuring out Kaim and Jansen's seme/uke dynamic, then I kept writing in first person despite the fact that the first chapter was OBVIOUSLY in third. Finally, I just couldn't make this freaking thing flow right. Honestly, if it wasn't for the last review I got for chapter 1 this thing may have never been finished. I suck, I know. Anyway, enough excuses. After much delay, I bring you chapter 2 of Musings. Enjoy.

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Chapter 2

Sarah Sisulart. She was kind. She was smart. She was beautiful. She was a _woman_. Essentially everything Kaim needed in a partner. Everything _he_ wasn't.

Jansen sighed as he thought over the events of the past days. After the jarring mindfuck that had been the Old Sorceress' mansion, they had come to a rather interesting conclusion. The sorceress - the person who they'd had essentially been sent to _kill_ - had turned out to be Kaim's long-lost wife, Sarah Sisulart. Under normal circumstances, Jansen would have been thrilled that Kaim had found someone to help recover his memories and drag him out of the melancholy mood he'd been in the past few days. After the nights that they had spent together though, they weren't exactly operating under "normal circumstances".

He was raging inside. It had taken him ages that night to respond to Kaim's whispered question and even longer for him to admit that what he felt for Kaim had expanded beyond the realm of lust. Following the initial awkwardness, at least on Jansen's part (seriously, how gay was he, falling for _Kaim_ of all people), he and Kaim had pursued a surprisingly normal relationship, especially considering what they were surrounded with on a daily basis. Even more surprising, was the fact that Seth had decided not to hound them when she'd found them...engaged during some of their rare down time. All in all, things had been going bizarrely well.

Which was why Jansen supposed that he shouldn't have been surprised when the massive roadblack to his relationship, in the form of Sarah Sisulart, appeared.

Later, on the same evening they'd found Miss Sisulart, Jansen sat at the bar of the Tosca Inn despodently nursing a cold mug of ale*, being miserable. Spotting the newly reunited lovebirds sitting together in a secluded alcove just made the mage's stomach turn with emotions he had no desire to face. Because Jansen Friedh didn't get _jealous_.

After a short internal battle, he groaned, dropping a few pieces of gold onto the polished bartop before climbing the stairs to the room he'd presumably have to himself that night. Up until then there'd always been a room for Seth and Ming, one for Mack and Cooke to share, and a room for Kaim and Jansen. Considering the expansion of their party, Jansen assumed that Sarah and Kaim would have a room of their own to...catch up in while he roomed with the kids. Another flare of the unwelcome emotion had Jansen flopping down face-first onto the large mattress.

He was a man, damnit, a _man_! He wasn't gonna let a little thing like the man he lo-_liked_ finding his wife get him down. There were tons of girls in the small village that he could have if he wanted. The problem being, of course, that he _didn't_ want them. As loathe as he was to admit it, Jansen would rather spend all night just being held by Kaim rather than sleeping with every attractive girl in Tosca. The thought sickened him. Kaim had ruined him for anyone else.

With those more than frustrating thoughts running through his head, Jansen failed to notice the sound of the door to his room opening then closing soft and distinctive chuckle that followed after, however shocked him out of his musings.

He glared halfheartedly at Kaim, who leaned agaisnt the door, his hands clasped behind his back. "What do you want?"

A slim eyebrow arched as Kaim took in Jansen's peeved expression. "Am I not allowed in our room now?"

Jansen scoffed, turning around to sit down and properly face Kaim. He wanted to throw something at him. "_Our_ room? Why aren't you in yours and _Sarah's_ room? Since she's, you know, your _wife_ and everything."

It was silent for a moment as Kaim studied Jansen quizzically. Suddenly a small smile broke out on the Immortal's face. "You're jealous."

The mage tried to ignore the fact that he was probably gaping like a fish. "I beg your pardon? I don't get _jealous_!"

Kaim's widening smile only served to make Jansen angrier. "You sure are now. You think that I'll leave you now that Sarah is back."

"No I'm not! You and Sarah could run off with the brats and have a little family and live hunky-dorily after all, for all I care!"

Kaim tilted his head as he regarded Jansen, causing that same stubborn lock of hair to fall into his face. "Sarah and Lirum haven't been my only family over the years. We're immortals after all. She and I both know that we're bound to find someone worth loving outside of ourselves eventually." Kaim's handsome visage turned melancholy. "You're not gonna live forever, Jansen. Sarah wouldn't try to deny me what little time I have with you."

Needless to say, Jansen was a little surprised. "So...Sarah's okay with us being together? Like..._together_?"

Kaim chuckled again as he slowly moved to kneel beside Jansen on the bed. "Of course she is. All I had to do was explain to her how I felt about you."

A shaky breath slipped from the mage as Kaim pressed warm kisses to his neck. "O-oh? And ho-how exactly do you feel about me?"

Jansen could feel the smile being pressed into his shoulder as Kaim's hand moved to slide beneath his robes and stroke his chest. "You're annoying, obnoxious, _jealous_, and noisy." Kaim moved to kneel between Jansen's legs and meet his lover's narrowed eyes. "And I love you."

Jansen was completely useless with words, so he expressed himself the only way he knew how. He reached up to gently cradle Kaim's face in his hands, then bring the immortal down into a soft kiss.

Kaim smiled as he leaned forward, lowering Jansen onto his back on the bed. The dark-haired mage simply enjoyed the view as Kaim patiently removed the armor from his torso then began unfastening Jansen's belt and pushing aside the folds of his robe. Once Jansen lay partially exposed beneath him, the Immortal bent to press tender kisses and caresses to his lover's chest. Hazel* eyes closed as a pale hand moved to thread through dark strands.

A shiver wracked Jansen's body as a warm tongue danced around his navel, briefly dipping inside. He propped himself up on his elbows to watch while Kaim simultaneously licked and sucked at his stomach and unfastened his pants. He _had_ always been good at multi-tasking.

Having finally accomplished his goal, Kaim's hand slipped beneath Jansen's trousers, grabbing hold of his semi-erect member. Jansen groaned softly and Kaim smiled, straightening to capture the mage's lips in a probing kiss.

There was something strangely erotic about all the noises Jansen tended to make and the way he'd try to suppress them and hide them from Kaim. The soft sounds of enjoyment always seemed to stroke Kaim's ego and inflame his lust. Even something as simple as a moan, when passed between those pouty lips, was enough to drive him towards the edge.

That fact alone made it impossible for Kaim to ignore Jansen's unconcious murmurs of his name. Well, that and the fact the he himself was eager to move on. Smiling, he dipped his head to suck harshly on the mage's collarbone, making sure to leave a mark that would last until he found the time to make another. Satisfied with his handiwork, the Immortal shushed his mage with a finger over his lips before he began to mouth the now engorged shaft of his love.

Teeth clamped onto a full bottom lip to stifle the noises trying to force their way out. As much as he knew that Kaim liked the noises he made, he knew it would be a disaster for the kids to barge into their room wondering why Jansen was making such weird noises. One look at the way Kaim's cheeks hollowed as he laved at his erection had Jansen's eyes snapping shut, lest he lose it right then. Nothing was hotter than the image Kaim made as he sucked off Jansen.

When Jansen felt his orgasm approaching he gasped out Kaim's name, instantly regretting it once Kaim wrapped a firm hand around the base of his arousal, preventing him from finishing. He couldn't have stopped the low whine even if he had wanted to.

Kaim simply laughed as he kissed Jansen's pout and moved the mage's hands above his head. "Your hands don't move. Understand?" Jansen nodded jerkily, and Kaim internally grinned, happy that the stubborn mage had learned his lesson the last time he disobeyed an order from the blue-eyed soldier. He turned to rummage through the chest beside the bed until he located the small jar of sweet-smelling oil for the lamps, depositing it on the bed. Clothes dropped unceremoniously to the floor as he tugged off his boots and pants, leaving them to pool at the foot of the bed. Once nude, he took a moment to appreciate the sight before him.

Jansen, half nude, his pale skin flushed and his erection straining toward his belly. Embarassed, the mage turned his head away while Kaim slowly slipped off his shoes and shimmied his short brown trousers and white stockings off his hips, dropping them beside his own pants. If it was even possible, the mage looked even more inviting this way.

Deciding that they'd played enough, he crawled between Jansen's legs on all fours, stifling a chuckle at his love's audible gulp. For a moment he contemplated tying Jansen's garishly colored scarf around his eyes but quickly decided against it. He loved staring into his expressive eyes while they made love far too much to deny himself that simple pleasure.

A tan hand stroked Jansen's inner thigh as Kaim coated three of his fngers with oil and circled Jansen's puckered entrance. Jansen sighed softly as the first finger slipped in with minimal resistance. After a few moments, a second finger joined and the mage groaned as quietly as he could when questing fingers massaged his prostate. The slight burn that accompanied the third finger was familiar, but no less uncomfortable. Jansen always appreciated how slowly and thoroughly Kaim prepared him. He'd been with others who were convinced it wouldn't make a difference and plunged right in. Needless to say, they left with quite a few more bruises and burns than they'd arrived with.

A whispered question brought Jansen back to the present. "Ready?" In answer, Jansen slid back against the pillows and widened his legs, a small smirk on his face. Slowly, Kaim coated his member in the fragrant oil as he enjoyed the view. Jansen's face burned as Kaim continued to eye him while he positioned himself at his entrance. Agonizingly slowly, Kaim breached the tight ring of muscles in his lover and watched Jansen for any signs of discomfort. The last thing he wanted was to hurt the dark-haired mage.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, he was fully sheathed inside his lover. Jansen unexpectedly swiveled his hips, and Kaim had to muffle a surprised moan in a pale shoulder. Glancing up, he only saw the edge of a cocky smirk. Grinning, he moved to grip narrow hips and slowly slid out, only to plunge back in. Jansen's hand clamped over his mouth to cut off his curse and he glared at Kaim. Or he _tried_ to glare. It was quite difficult to glare while Kaim was intently and wonderfully making love to him. Soon enough, he forgot his irritation and wrapped his legs around Kaim's waist in an effort to make him move faster. Kaim merely kissed the corner of Jansen's frown and continued his pace.

He had no plans to rush their love-making. Who knew when the next time they could get any alone time would be? Their party never seemed to stop growing and while all the women seemed to understand and accept their relationship, it's not like they could even look at each other abnormally in front of the kids. He was going to take his time and enjoy the rare intimacy with his love. He figured Jansen deserved at least that much after this thoughts earlier. He loved the jealous mage and he had every intention of showing him.

A shift of his hips had him sliding against Jansen's prostate, the mage clutching his shoulders as he buried his face in his neck. Taking pity on him, Kaim gave Jansen's member a few decisive strokes and watched, mesmerized, as the man came undone before him.

His kiss bruised lips open in a barely suppressed moan, his eyelids fluttering as Kaim continued to stroke him. The wanton display and whispered 'love you' as he came, had Kaim spilling himself deep inside his love. Those two simple words had an unexpected effect on the Immortal.

He dazedly watched as Jansen cast a small flare spell on the large basin of water in the corner of the room and nudged him toward it.

"Kaim...clean."

With those directions, Kaim made his way to the basin on wobbly legs, and grabbed the rag floating in the now steaming water. He sat heavily on the bed as he patiently cleaned away all of the evidence from their previous activities, first off Jansen's skin, then his own. Tossing the rag aside, Kaim slid behind Jansen and cradled the man's slightly broader body to his own, burying his face in the slightly curly hair.

Not wanting to waste the moment, Kaim whispered quietly in Jansen's ear as the mage pulled the blanket to cover their bodies. "I love you."

He felt the small rumble of a chuckle in the mage's stomach as Jansen grabbed his hand and threaded their fingers over his bare hip. "Love you too."

Kaim buried his broad smile in his love's unruly locks as he drifted off to sleep, trying to remember the last time he'd been so happy to hear those words.

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*Ale- I have no idea what the standard alcoholic beverage for this game is so...I guessed.

*Hazel- I'm kinda stuck so it's been a while since I've seen a cutscene featuring Jansen. I've completely forgotten what colors his eyes are.

End Notes: It took forever but I finally reached a point where I actually like this. Hopefully, you guys did to. Despite the fact that Musings was meant to be my only foray into Lost Odyssey fanfiction, I already have a little oneshot with Gongora/Kaim and Jansen/Kaim completely finished. I've even started yet _another_ one with the same pairings. (I don't know what's wrong with me.)

Anyway, **reviews would be greatly appreciated and reviewers showered with adoration and little chocolate hearts**. Click that little purplish button. You know you wanna.


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